Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God! Psalms 42:11 NLT

I hadn’t realized the depths of depression I had been experiencing lately. It seems as if husband and I have had one wave after another crash into us.

I just took it, while digging myself in deeper, trying to hold my ground, and brace with all MY might for the next wave to come. Some waves have come with such violent force, like that of a major storm, knocking us down and spinning us around for a bit until we find our footing with our lungs about to burst for lack of breath and our heads still spinning. Yet, still we stand.

While other waves came as a welcome blessings. Like sitting along the shore of a tranquil river letting the gentle waves lap over your feet on a hot summer day, encouraging you to step in deeper. Allowing your whole self to be submerged completely, and your feet to stop gripping to the bottom and just float in His blessings, wishing you could stay there forever.

Neither scenario lasts forever.

You can’t stop it. The waves of life will keep coming at you! It is how you respond to them and who you allow to stand beside you while encountering the waves that make the difference.

I learned as a kid growing up in Southern California when a big wave comes at you, you can basically do one of three things: You can jump up as it comes and you will rise up with it, moving up and over it; you can try and dive through it and let it ride over you; or you can just get wiped out as it crashes over you. Especially if you have turned your back on it.

Just like circumstances in life. God will deliver you from it, walk you through it, or take you out and bring you home.

If you allow the Lord to stand beside you, along with whomever He places in your life, then chances are even if you get knocked down by the waves of life, there will be a hand to pull you back up. As long as you are paying attention and reaching back to the hand that is reached out towards you, you will stand again.

In Acts 3 Peter and John come upon a lame man sitting at the Temple gate. He was brought there by his friends so that he could beg. Peter demanded his attention, “Look at us!” he said.

Having the man’s attention, Peter proceeds to tell the lame man that they haven’t got any money for him. What they did have was was about to change his life. Peter then declared over him, “…In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, get up and walk!” (Acts 3:6) “He jumped up, stood on his feet, and began to walk! Then, walking, leaping, and praising God, he went into the Temple with them.” (Acts 3:8)

I sorta feel like that lame man lately, literally begging for something, anything. I’ve truly done not much more than just sit on my couch reading my Bible while feeling shrouded in a fog. All while begging God for some sort of breakthrough in this gloominess.

I repeat in unbelief as to why I should feel this way.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.” Psalms 42:11 NKJV

It’s been incredibly difficult lately, BUT GOD in the middle of it all has heaped on blessing after blessing so unimaginable and just as overwhelming as the storm fueled waves! Yet here I sit struggling to keep my focus on Him. Look at Him, get up and walk! Walk away from depression, anxiety, and worry about the future. I know I can’t add anything g to my life by worrying or allowing anxiety to take over.

Maybe todays the day for some breakthrough. I’ve struggled to comprehend all that I’ve been reading while in this fog. I read it all over again today. I’ve been struggling to write, I’ve been struggling to be creative, all things I love and struggle to muster up the desire to do any of it.

Then, I looked down at one of the many blessings we recently received. It happened in a way that only God could have orchestrated. You would think that I would be gushing over this and posting pictures all over the place. That’s what the “normal me” would have done! It’s been 4 days already and not a peep from me about it.

His name is Ripley!! He is an 8 week old Blue Heeler puppy! I didn’t realize the depression I had been feeling until looked down at his sweet face as he lay there sleeping in my lap. I was so overcome with emotion and actually cried. Haven’t done much emotional feeling lately. I’m very good at compartmentalizing and feelings are the first to be put away.

I didn’t believe I could love another dog as much as I loved Roxy who died four months ago. God’s unconditional love and affection is definitely shown through dogs and two year old grandsons. While I miss my Roxy dog and now my grandson who went back to live with his mom, God still makes room for Love and no matter how much I don’t always feel it, it’s love that breaks through first!

Going back over the sections of scripture I’ve been reading:

“They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do.” Psalms 1:3 NLT

Who are the they? Those mentioned in the previous verse who delight in the Law of the Lord and meditate on it.

On a side note I just learned the American meaning for Ripley is, meadow near rivers. For me I feel I gain strength and tranquility from being near rivers. So Ripley is a better name than I thought it was.

What is the Law of the Lord?

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.”Deuteronomy 6:5 NLT This also mentioned in Luke 10:27, Mark 12:30, Matthew 22:37.

From the heart, according to Proverb 4:23, our whole life flows from it. Our heart is where our dreams for the future reside. Our desires, imaginations, hope, failures, affections, and more all come from the heart. If we love God with all our heart first, then everything else lines up.

All along, from our 40 day trip, to the upheaval of our lives taking in our grandson, the falling through of jobs, health issues, family discord, death and financial distress during the past almost six months we continually saw blessings! We saw blessings that included provision, grace, and mercy, like never before with shelter, food, money, clothing and other items for our grandson while he stayed with us, insurance, the announcement of grandchild number 14, new understanding, and opportunity to grow.

While these past six months have been all about provision, grace, and mercy, I feel the Lord is leading me back to another familiar lesson: Abiding in Him.

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.” John 15:4 NKJV

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 NLT

I had a conversation with my son about these verses and what it means to abide and be the branch. He asked me, “What do the branches do?” After a short discussion about branches and their function, my idea of what it means to abide completely changed.

Abiding isn’t about just sitting and waiting on the Lord to work through you so that you produce fruit. The branches offer structural support for the leaves, flowers, and fruit. Branches act as vessels carrying water from the soil to the leaves. The leaves in turn use photosynthesis to absorb energy from the light of the sun. This energy is used to create food by combining carbon dioxide from the air with water. The food created by photosynthesis is passed back through the rest of the vine. It is the same with trees. While a tree works at growing it gives off oxygen for every living thing in the world to breathe.

So abiding in the Lord means that my branches need to stay connected to the vine or trunk to use the resources provided. Being rooted in the fertile ground, strength will be gained through the Living Water, so that my leaves have strength reach up and out, to absorb the Light of the Son. This way, the Breath of Life can be shared with anyone I come in contact with. Abiding isn’t sitting and doing nothing. It is reaching out, absorbing, and sharing.

God’s provision, grace, and mercy, will enable me to abide in Him. I don’t know what path He is leading me on. I don’t know what job I’ll find (That is the most anxiety provoking issue now.) I don’t know what the future of my children and grandchildren will look like, but as long as I am abiding in Him and staying connected, to the resources provided to me through Him, that will support me in my growth, I’ll be okay.

Where does your hope and future lie? My hope and future reside in the One who desires my attention and provides all I need to be supported and to grow roots deep.