Have you ever felt like you’ve just been in the trenches? Lately I have! I am thankful God uses my ability to write to speak through and to me. I pray this rambling blogpost speaks to someone else too.
Experiencing or even just witnessing traumatic events can cause a person to display emotional and physical reactions. Growing up I used to believe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was something those coming back from The Viet Nam War developed. As I watched the torment of my mom’s boyfriend who lived with us for 8 years, endure flashbacks and nightmares due to his experiences during the Viet Nam War.
Later I thought, perhaps anyone who has endured any type of war could develop PTSD. Growing and maturing mentally and spiritually while dealing with my own “stuff,” I see my own understanding wasn’t too far off. The panic attacks, memories returning so strong I thought I was there again, and the unexplained memory lapses, gaps in time, and nightmares are all part of PTSD.
This realization enhanced my belief as to what type of person develops PTST. Those who have experienced warfare!
Consider the following definitions for war:
• to carry on active hostility or contention
• to be in conflict or in a state of strong opposition
• a state or period of armed hostility or active military operations.
Reading the above definitions, I can relate to and apply them to the very conflicts that have carried on in my heart and mind over the course of my life. There have been some ceasefires here and there and some battles won.
The battle ground has always been a hotbed for warfare. The place the devil always attacks first and hardest is the mind of God’s most precious and prized creation; us humans!
The abuse I endured as a child, the events that happened while in the psyche wards, the consequences of my own poor choices and unhealthy relationships all began with and escalated the spiritual warfare in the hearts and minds of “men,” obviously including myself.
As I wrote and published my book, Remember Whose Child You Are, gave talks and testimonies and counseled, others on issues similar to what I have been through and wrote about, I’ve had moments that have drawn me back into the battle.
I know the war has already be won by Jesus Christ, through what He had done on the cross. There will be battles, but we won’t have to fight them alone.
“You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” I John 4:4 NKJV
Last weekend, my husband and I went to see the movie Oppenheimer. As we sat down I noticed that there were two elderly gentleman sitting a few seats down from me. At first, with their commentary about what was happening on the screen, (some times funny and other times questionable), I thought they would be like Statler and Waldorf. Ya know, the pair of Muppet characters from the The Muppet Show, known for their ornery and snarky opinions and for heckling the performers. However, after the movie started some of their commentary was informative and I didn’t mind listening in on their occasional conversation. It made me wonder what they had experienced in their lifetime.
As I look at most people a generation before me, I’m aware that there’s a pretty good chance they had seen and or have participated in a physical war at some time in their life. Most likely worse than any wars my generation has seen or been a part of.
Evil had intersected their life and they found a way to get through it. Most likely with out the fancy drugs and therapy easily available today. I wondered what nightmares they may still have and never talk about. Still, they go on with life.
Together sitting in the movie theater we watched in awe and silence as the scene on the screen changed from the darkness of the early morning hours portrayed, to a bright yellow white light. You could image the heat that must have radiated from that bright light on July 16, 1945. The bright light was followed by a gigantic orange ball of fire rising from the earth churning like a massive storm cloud ready to burst.
Yet, it didn’t burst, it continued to ascend higher, as it seemed to burn the sky, swirling into the heavens, thousands of feet above, creating the iconic mushroom cloud everyone since the nuclear age began, recognizes as a symbol of power and destruction, perhaps a mile wide.
As the cloud cooled you could see the horizon set a blaze in red, burning into our imaginations. The reality of the destruction and death this weapon can inflict began to set in. Minutes later, the shockwave hits as the ripple affect of fear moves through the hearts and minds of those watching.
After everything settled, it was noted that the explosion from this atomic bomb burnt up a radius of approximately 330 yards, causing a crater about 5 feet deep and 88 yards wide. How often does a traumatic event in life leave a crater of a scar in our hearts? How often do we still feel the ripple effect and allow it to throw us off course?
While we know what was on the screen before us was all awesome cinematography, not happening there in real time. I felt myself overwhelmed sitting there with my thoughts that turned to Armageddon, and scenarios of the end of the world. Next to me I heard a faint sound of someone trying to hold in a sob, followed by much sniffling. It was the older gentleman sitting next to me. “What memories or fears were triggered in him?” I wonder how far the ripple effects spread through out his life.
What we were watching may not have been happening in real time, it did happen! Much destruction and loss of life has occurred because of the successfulness of the Manhattan Project that led to the Trinity test being reenacted before our eyes.
For me this scenario hit me quite differently than I would have imagined. It really shook me up and filled me with a bunch of what ifs.
The weight of this discovery that must have rested on the shoulders of those who experimented with such a horrific find, that was weaponized for power and control, surly produced some PTSD that haunted them forever.
In real life and portrayed in the movie, once successfully completing the testing of the atomic bomb, Oppenheimer quoted, from the Hindu Scripture, Bhagavad Gita, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” The heaviness of those words must have weighed on him. It makes me wonder where his hope and future was placed.
My faith in Jesus is strong. Is it strong enough? Do I believe in what I say I believe? My hope and future resides in Him.
“…Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 NKJV
I’m not sure what it is but sometimes the thought of the future, death, and or the end of the world grabs ahold of me so tight gripping me with fear that I’m thrown into a panic attack! For a Christian we shouldn’t fear death. There’s a lot we shouldn’t fear.
In fact, the Bible God reminds us not to fear or be afraid 365 times! If God says anything, it’s important to listen. If He has to say it more than once, you better listen! He has instructed us not to fear or be afraid 365 times. That’s once for every day of the year. He has to remind us daily not to be afraid!
Yet, when these panic attacks come on, that’s fear in its rawest form. I’ve had more than I care to admit lately. It may just be the spiritual warfare that has increased as I am reaching more for the Kingdom. Death, why fear death or the end of the world? It will happen for everyone, you can’t stop it.
As a Christian, I know death is just a point of transition from this life to the next. Like walking through a door into a new world and a new life. How many times have I started my life over again? Plenty! This will be no different. This time, I’ll be with Jesus for eternity. Eternity scares me too. What’s up with that?
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” II Timothy 1:7 NKJV
That fear did not come from God! Worrying about the what ifs is not of God.
“But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.” 1 John 4:4 NLT
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” 1 John 4:18 NLT
Or
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” I John 4:18 NKJV
The love of Jesus casts out that fear. The fear that comes at me surely isn’t for lack of faith. I know with the faith the size of a mustard seed, nothing is impossible.
“…I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20 NKJV
Perhaps the fear seeps in because I haven’t fully experienced the love of Jesus. Not because it is t there for me, but I haven’t embraced it in the fullnesses in which it has been given. I’m not confident that anybody else has either. We’re still in the process of being perfected. Once we are, we’ll be in Heaven.
Until then, we need to continue to be conscious of taking action and grabbing onto what we can, capturing every thought and bringing into alignment with Jesus until His return.
“casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,” II Corinthians 10:5 NKJV
I can say for myself, calling on the name of Jesus while in a panic attack has definitely pulled me out of it many times! Fear is a tactic the devil uses against me quite often. I’m sure everyone else in the world as well! The devil has no new tricks. He’s been using the same old one since the beginning of time and us humans fall for it!
All actions taken these days seem to be fear based. If you dig deeper into every motive, it is fear! Fear of loosing. Loosing life, status, money, position, power, relationships, privilege, perception (Once firmly gripped, nobody wants to change a belief), acceptance, and every sort of material thing, and more. There’s those fears I struggle with most, which basically stem from someof those mentioned before: failure, messing up, and letting someone down, especially letting God down.
If we place all of those fears in the hands of God and not dwell on them, we will have all that we need! But, that ol’ devil wants us to believe that we have some sort of control over it all.
“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?” Luke 12:25 NLT
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34 NKJV
Looking back at where you came from and dwelling on the things you experienced with a longing to return or a longing to forget leaves you in a place of discontentment which leads to anxiety. It’s not about where you’re from but where you’re at. You don’t live there anymore. It’s the same with looking and worrying about the future and eternity.
““And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind.”Luke 12:29 NKJV
Consider the family of Lot as told in the book of Genesis. I have come across the story of Lot three times this week. It made me think how it could fit into this blogpost.
When Abraham, his family, and all their possessions became too big to be supported by the land they lived on they decided to separate. Lot was given first choice. He chose to live in the plain between Sodom and Gomorrah. Later as we learn, he moved to Sodom. We don’t know why he chose to move there. Although, it became such an evil place that God wanted to destroy it.
When Abraham learned of God’s plan, he begged and bargained with the angels’ whose job it was to destroy it to spare the family of Lot. Lot was considered righteous and was spared.
However, the level of his righteousness didn’t save his wife or his daughters’ virtue. He and his family had to practically be drug from their home to be saved from destruction!
How often had God drug us out of a situation and saved us from harm? How many times was it because we had a loved one praying for us? Probably more times than we are aware.
If Sodom was considered so evil that God wanted to destroy it along with Gomorrah and the plain in between, I can only imagine the issues the family had to deal with.
Were there things they were they exposed to that caused a change in the way they viewed the Lord or changed their faith? Was it positive or negative? Was their faith increased or shattered? What things have we been exposed to in this world that has caused us to question our faith or even our sanity?
“So it came to pass, when they had brought them outside, that he said, “Escape for your life! Do not look behind you nor stay anywhere in the plain. Escape to the mountains, lest you be destroyed.””Genesis 19:17 NKJV
“But his wife looked back behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.” Genesis 19:26 NKJV
2 Peter 2 talks about the oppression Lot’s family lived under while in Sodom. In these Biblical times they lived in words like, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder didn’t exist. However, God did use Lot’s wife and family as an example to warn us about looking back and worrying about the future what ifs. See Genesis 19:12-38
How often are we looking back when we should be moving forward in life and keeping our eyes on the Lord? Jesus reminded us to, “Remember Lot’s wife.” Luke 17:32 NKJV
Lot’s wife looked back and became a pillar of salt, stuck forever looking back. When we allow the the fear of the future and or the torment of the past take our eyes from the Lord and what He is doing in our lives we become stuck and unable to move forward in the direction He is calling us.
That’s right where the enemy would like us to be; turning away from where God has called us. Rendering us incapable of preforming daily tasks, living our lives the way we’re called to and not able to be the influence our family members may need us to be. We remain stuck in our memories and thoughts. The battlefield of the mind.
“casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,” II Corinthians 10:5 NKJV
We have a lot coming at us in the here and now. Don’t get distracted by the past, discourage by our present or doubt what HE has for us in our future. There is more to our life than what we can see around us.
“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,” II Corinthians 10:3-4 NKJV
When the panic, confusion, and fear try to lay ahold of you, know it isn’t from the Lord. When you don’t know the next right thing to do, seek His face and turn to His Word.
AGAIN “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” II Timothy 1:7 NKJV
Don’t let the distraction of this world get to you!
“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8 NLT
Jesus came so that in any circumstance we find ourselves in we will still have an abundant life.
“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” John 10:10 NLT
Or
“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” John 10:10 NKJV
No matter what weapon the enemy throws at us: depression, anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, doubt, discouragement, illness, poverty, loneliness, wars, rumors of wars, we can and will overcome. It’s hard to remember that in the middle of it all, but stay close to the Holy Spirit and He’ll remind you!
“But in that coming day no weapon turned against you will succeed. You will silence every voice raised up to accuse you. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the Lord; their vindication will come from me. I, the Lord, have spoken!” Isaiah 54:17 NLT
“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” I Corinthians 10:13 NKJV
My hope and future reside in the One who has given me a sound mind, a more abundant life, who makes a way of escape. Even when I’m in a season of spiritual warfare my Hope is in Him!
Hope and a Future 